Typical Sunday..

I realised i blog inconsistantly and it is usually over a long period of time because of time restrain and it is weird to always start my post with "it has been a long time since i last blog". so i guess i'll just get to the point.

School has started for 5 days now, i love school, i like the company in there, but i dread waking up early and doing work how i wish i could go back to playschool, where i can go to school and watch mickey mouse or pokemon with all my classmates, without having to worry about money, boredom or friends.

i really wish school hasnt't started at all i'm still in that holiday mood, in school i can't concentrate and i don't feel like waking up to go to school, to make things worst my freaking VPN got some freaking problems then i can't submit my reflection journal and i got a fucking C and the 2nd day i got caught sleeping in class :( ended up i got a C also. i hate C's i wan MORE B's or A's... having C's is totally a bummer and a mood spoiler.

Well enough of school, i bet nobody would want to hear my foolish ranting about school. Anyway i happened to Read Chuyang's lastest entry and i find it very meaningful and clearly very well defined principle of friends in the circle and the things we do. Look for:

Sunday, April 22, 2007 - Whats with my corny titles?

for the last weeks it was very random and nothing much to talk about, other than friday and saturday, friday i went down to support imran at play, and god does he sing well. usually i do hear him sing s hum or a haw but that night's performance was spectacular, didn't thought of imran teddy bear could sing so well and the other performer in comparision to him were made into a joke, anyway congrats to him for making into the finals and hope he get first which i know he will definately get it. :D

*Tat nite @ play there were so many Hot stuff.. my eyes were tired after that.* :(

After play i went down to whynot, for the beach party event preview, we did the usual things, like watching their flair's performance and spent the night clubbing away.

Then it was saturday, woke up went down to cineleisure to find shuhui to buy my pants from 77th street. i waited for her to end work and went with her to try it she said it was plain and expensive but i don't know why i just like it lots and she showed me another design which suited me better and i bought that at the same price. i hate to go shopping, not that i hate it literally but i hate to go when i'm like broke. i only like it when it is at the starting of the month where i get my monthly allowance and can spend like nobody business and then only to end up being a penniless guy at the end. i've got so many things i want to buy!!! i need to get a job and if i do ben is going to be a BB.. BusyBen no more outing for me. i'm going to be a monotonous guy, of having to go to school, work, home and the cycle continues.

i heard from my classmate that cafe del mar has vacancies and that place is a wonderful place to work in with nice scenery by the beach with many hotties and the ambience of the cafe is fantastic. i've always wanted to work there since i last saw it. i'm looking for somebody to work with me there or the lonely journey to sentosa is going to kill me.

then me and shu hui headed down to far east for dinner and we had no money to pay because i left my wallet in mummy's bag and the aunty was closing for the day already and mummy was at cine and far east is really far away and the aunty of the shop said nevermind that shuhui can pay another time because she remembers her face that she came here to eat often. this is call Shuhui's benefits. haha~

After all those series of events, i headed down to maxwell and shuhui went home at maxwell was the beach party.. the interior of whynot has been reformed but it still seems kind of slacking, many people were wearing singlet, boardshorts and slippers, as for me i was wearing a sleeveless shirt borrowed from brian and a short with shoes. you must be thinking why shoes well i did thought of club hopping to go to play but yesterday kenneth's friend gaybe came to whynot so didn't had a chance to go down there but it's ok. :)

A nice quote to end my post..

"Success is getting and achieving what you want. Happiness is wanting and being content with what you get."

+++_pictures_+++

This Chicken is Garrick the Cock. haha!

Me and Garrick at maxwell after beach party. xD

The pants i bought from 77th street. hee

Ming Yang CamWhoring with my Phone. BOOO!

FriendShip Keychain Me and jeannie *BEST BUDDY*Pepsi new cool design. ChioNess..Self matched Clique keychain.. Still lacking Tino and Shu hui.. :D

Sweet ShuHui gimme. Cute hor.

Photo-taking in my school library..

+===Videos===+

Moodless day____ -continuation from previous post-

I was bored and stoning like a zombie at home, staring at the computer screen for hours, not sure what i was looking at, all i know i was scrolling through the same things over and over again. i wonder what would i be doing if i do not have a blog for me to stare at and edit when i'm free.

Today, everybody had their own plans, kenneth and gang was in town, but what was there to do in town? walking up and down cineleisure, sitting at the basement _eating, drinking, slacking and gossiping_, sit outside of cineleisure_smoke, slack and more gossips. boring.. i rather stay at home at least i could save money as i'm quite broke now and it is not even near the end of the month. shu hui was working today and she is supposed to go weihao's house to help him with something after work and tino had his own plans, leaving me to draw up plans for the evening.

i called mummy and asked where is he and asked if he was going down to whynot, as it has been quite sometime since i went down and school is re-opening soon and i'm not sure if i would still have the time and energy to go down there. he replied he was at whynot already and he was having performance today. i decided to go down to find him, support mummy's performance. But i do not want to pay the cover charge, mummy asked me to come down earlier so he could bring me in and so i rushed down and mummy was waiting for me outside he brought me in and only to be kicked out later. *SAD*

Today Whynot had an event and it was spectacular. however i was totally not in the mood, smses keep coming in, leaving me worried for someone. During the whole event, i just cant get it out of my head, people keep asking me to leave my unhappiness behind and just enjoy the night, but how can i? what a way to end my holiday at whynot. everybody there were so happy and dancing away and i stood there, my favourite songs went past me without the energy and the vibe to make me feel like dancing. why do thing have to turn out this way? i sort of knew this would happen, i was trying hard to prevent it but "paper can never wrap fire". i didn't want to hurt you and neither did i say those things in purpose to hurt you. i do not know what to say to console and comfort you, i believe the more i say the sadder you become, this leaves me helpless and i can't help but to blame myself for this whole thing, is it because i didn't handle it well or i'm not good with words.

Ben is sad N confused.

Below are the videos which i forget to upload previous when mummy, shuhui, tino and i were at macdonalds slacking and we were playing with the macdonald's TV, don't know what @Life thing. FREE publicity. *fun fun fun*






Videos of whynot__
-the video sucks cause my phone no memory already, anyway just a preview-










this is mummy ^^ Sexyy

Trapped @ home.

I woked up at 5 and had nothing to do only to come online and see if there is anybody to chat with but unfortunately there isn't. so i went to do my blog stuff, added some addition crap to it, hopefully to make it more unique. haha. i happened to chance upon this quiz, a special one that do not need you to answer any weird questions but just to enter your full name and results will be given and it is calculated by numerology. *Coolness*

_results_
There are 21 letters in your name.Those 21 letters total to 99There are 7 vowels and 14 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 9

The characteristics of #9 are: Humanitarian, giving nature, selflessness, obligations, creative expression.

The expression or destiny for #9:The expression that you exhibit is represented bythe number 9. Your talents center in humanistic interests and approaches. You like to help others as you were intended to be the 'big brother or big sister' type. You operate best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion, and allow yourself to be sensitive to the needs of others. You work well with people, and have the potential to inspire. This suggests that you could successfully teach or counsel. Creative ability, imagination and artistic talent (often latent) of the highest order are present in this expression. It's possible that you're not using or developing all of these capabilities at this time. Some of your talents may have been used at an earlier time in your life, and some may still be latent. Be aware of your capabilities, so that you can make use of them at appropriate times.
If you are able to achieve the potential of your natural expression in this life, you are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others. Your personal ambitions are likely to be maintained in a very positive perspective, never losing sight of an interest in people, and a sympathetic, tolerant, broad-minded and compassionate point of view. You are quite idealistic, and disappointed at the lack of perfection in the world. You have a strong awareness of your own feeling as well as those of others. Friendships, affection, and love are extremely important.
Undeveloped or ignored, the negative side of the 9 expression can be very selfish and self-centered. If you do not actively involve yourself with work that benefits others, you may tend to express just the opposite characteristics. It is your role to be very involved with other people and their needs, but it may be difficult for you achieve this role. Aloofness, lack of involvement, and a lack of sensitivity mark the low road of this expression.

Your Soul Urge number is: 3
A Soul Urge number of 3 means: With the Soul Urge number 3 your desire in life is personal expression, and generally enjoying life to its fullest. You want to participate in an active social life and enjoy a large circle of friends. You want to be in the limelight, expressing your artistic or intellectual talents. Word skills may be your thing; speaking, writing, acting, singing. In a positive sense, the 3 energy is friendly, outgoing and always very social.
You have a decidedly upbeat attitude that is rarely discouraged; a good mental and emotional balance.
The 3 Soul Urge gives intuitive insight, thus, very high creative and inspirational tendencies. The truly outstanding trait shown by the 3 Soul Urge is that of self-expression, regardless of the field of endeavor.
On the negative side, you may at times become too easygoing and too optimistic, tending to scatter forces and accomplish very little. Often, the excessive 3 energy produces non-stop talkers. Everyone has faults, but the 3 soul urge doesn't appreciate having these pointed out.

Your Inner Dream number is: 6
An Inner Dream number of 6 means: You dream of guiding and fostering the perfect family in the perfect home. You crave the devotion from offspring and a loving spouse. You picture yourself in the center of a successful domestic unit.

http://www.paulsadowski.com/Numbers.asp <---link for quiz

When i was on youtube, one of the featured video's title caught my attention, clicked on it and it wasn't that disappointing at all. the video's animation is cool, it looks very much like iRobots. it is so intriguing to see how the body's cells works, the video makes it look like a fantasy, this is a video that one should not misss.

____-Test of Faith.

Yesterday i went to watch a movie called the "The Reaping", it was quite an amazing story with quite a unforeseen twist at the end of the show. the show mainly is about faith and the trust in god. As for myself i'm very ashamed of myself as i feel that i've sidetrack from "the way", i feel that i should get back on track and re-affirm my trust and faith in god. during the show i held on to my cross, i dunno why at the ending i actually felt like crying haha, i could feel the tears in my eyes. maybe i just felt that so much as happen i know that god is the only one that i can trust and believe in to be there for me.

The summary of the movie:

Hilary Swank plays a former Christian missionary who lost her faith after her family was tragically killed, and has since become a world-renowned expert in disproving religious phenomena. But when she investigates a small Louisiana town that is suffering from what appear to be the Biblical plagues, she realizes that science cannot explain it.

i give it 4/5 *GREAT*

From the movie i realised that being human as we are, we are prone to believe what we can see, therefore very much of the time, we fall victim to the works of the devil. devil manifest itself in many ways. the people said that god werent there for them when they needed them and therefore they jumped to the help of the devil and start to stray away from god. but god is actually around them all the time even if they still believe in him or not.

Trust..

-To have or place confidence in; depend on.
-To expect with assurance; assume: I trust that you will be on time.
-To believe: I trust what you say.
-To place in the care of another; entrust.
-To grant discretion to confidently

-To extend credit to.

i happened to walk pass heng poh jewellery and found their new collection "itrustme", very intriguing. the Word "Trust" simple and short yet complex.

the words found on the poster is:

what have i given, what have i got.

Did i win, did i lose.

who's better, who's richer

who's thinner

how come these things don't matter much?

Could it be because

I trust me?

this few lines of words have left me pondering for a long time.

i've read your blog regarding to the things i've brought up. it seems like we both have our own point of perception, this is a hole that is left open and i have no idea how to fill it. i cant force my own views and opinions on you, because there is no right or wrong in the first place. i met you at cine and maxwell, we were so close yet so far, we exchanged glances at each other but no words were spoken, we've been alienated.

After the movie me and shu hui went down to maxwell, it was such a waste that we couldn't make it down in time to catch mummy's performance. mummy i'm sorry i never came down to see your performance. my daddy has to entertain his customer tomorrow morning and mummy have to go see some guy for some spiritual healing thing and therefore unable to come down, so sorry.

we slacked around maxwell market and did some catching up. it's been a very long time since i last came down to maxwell already, i felt out of place there already, could it be because of the period of time i've not come down or the situation i'm in now that leaves me feeling out of place. i managed to see hika's now found snake which he showed me over the webcam earlier in the day, it is so cute but so fragile, like anytime i may crush it to death. it looks more like an earthworm than a snake to me. haha. i've capture a video of it.

after our meal at maxwell, we went down to tantric to slack again. went down and saw imran haha. so happy to see him as it's been quite some time i've last saw him. he is one friendly chap. :D tantric's crowd seems to be a little on the underwhelming side, as compared to the previous time i went it where i couldn't even turn around without brushing shoulders against my neighbour.

on top of that, it suddenly came to my mind that school is starting real soon. i've heard bit and pieces from different people that they are already doing their FYP and their PP, while i've been procrastinating and having fun. what should i do? having fun is 2nd nature to me, i can't give it up just like that, but school is much more important. i don't want to go back to school. i want to continue my vampire lifestyle. which i will miss very much when my school finally opens on the 16!

Stress stress stress. Guess i'll just take things 1 step at a time.

*_____Pictures!

Wth is this bread even edible? looks more like charcoal.

Different flavours from hello panda i've never seen before from the ValueDollar shop.

Beautiful morning sky at serangoon north.

Interesting Poster eh.

This is supposed to be my new blog skin. incomplete construction.

xxxxxxxVideosxxxxxxx

Hika's earthworm snake.

******* Emo Post.*****

It's been some time since i last blogged.




So many things have happened over a short 8 days. My mind consist of jumbled thoughts and feelings. so many things i want to say but i'm being restricted. Over the 8 days, there were happiness, sorrows, agony, confusion, angst and not to leave out depression.

What is in my mind is something i cant decipher myself, it keeps repeating itself at the back of my head even when i don't want to think about it. i feel i've lost my fomer self, where there were no restrictions in actions. i've heard very ghastly things, some i still can't believe and don't want to believe. I cant believe my friend standing at someone else side and is flaming me. i know you are disappointed in me, but i'm very much disappointed in you as much as you are. Talking about how much i've changed, you dare say you didn't? you very much changed as much as i do.

you say that i'm a bad person, you always remember all the bad things i've done but have you ever remember all the things i've done for you? you cast a bad light on me, what do you stand to gain from it? i'm very sad that things have turned out this way, years of friendship only to go down the drain. i'm only human, it's human nature to err but i'm being condemn to you. i've got my life to live, i cant plan my life according to what you want me to. i don't want to go out with you doesnt mean you mean nothing in my life, it is just i'm not interested in that activity. i find it fair that i want to do what makes me happy. i believe you would too. you can't force people against their will and use friendship and temper to enforce it.

you want me to forget the person i like, but could do so easily? i saw you cried, i consoled you and asked if you were ok, were you there to do the same for me when i was feeling low? you feel jealous of others, why? why must you feel this way, to me you aren't inferior to any of them. you say i don't treat you as good as others because of the way you look. but look how long have we been friends. Do you treat all your friends the same? it is natural that you treat different people differently, because people are different. you have always gave me an independent security that you do not need me to give you much assurance. anyway, for now things looks way out of hand, i wonder what the future bring about our friendship.

My bioclock has been edited, i've been sleeping in the morning and waking up at night and do night walking, sometimes wandering alone at night, pondering over things and thinking of a solution. i feel so helpless, i always wished how things could be so simple and perfect. My life isn't that perfect, i've got my own woes and despairs. Things happened to fast for me to even know what was going on, before i have any idea, i'm bombarded with problems. why do i have all this problems it is because i still care for all of my friends. i don't want to lose you guys but because of certain problems, i'm starting to see the crack line and i'm thinking hard how to salvage the problem.

I know many people are unhappy with me, what can i do? i sometimes wished i could just leave all of this behind but i can't. i know it is the things i do but sometimes things do not always go the way it plans cause the world isn't perfect in the first place. you may want to do this today and have everything all drawn up but on that very day, a relative passed away and you are unable to do it. this is how harsh the world is. the same goes for my dentist appointment i've procrastinate for 3 days already. the first day i couldn't get up and decided to go the next day and when i did, it was closed. so i could only go on the 3rd day. i want to be that perfect friend for everybody but is that possible? unfortunately, "PERFECT" doesnt exist in this world.

As for the east coast thing, it is all my fault if i know how to go there by myself, all these wouldn't have happened. I didn't expect things to turn out this way. blame me for being so disorganized and stupid for not knowing how to go to east coast. i'm the root of the problem and i'm very sorry about it, hope things will blow over soon. :(

today i stayed at home the whole day, i didn't go out. i had no mood at all, i spent my time sleeping and i really wish i could just sleep forever. when i was sleeping, my mom came in and pat my head, i felt loved. My mum is my best friend which will never be angry with me or backstab me. when she has finished asking me how was i, i very much wanted to hug her and tell her how much i love her. <3 mummy.



What people see is the surface of ben, not many people understand ben, even ben don't even understand himself. what he wants? what he needs and what he expects. ben is lost and confused. luckily i still have Bf, he makes the efforts to understand me and how i feel, he feels unjust for me when what the rumours said are not true because he knows ben isn't such a person.

Ben is doesn't think before he talks and ben is sorry for it.
Ben is poor and ben is sorry for it.
Ben is stupid and ben is sorry for it.
Ben is not a good friend and ben is sorry for it.
Ben neglects some of his friends and ben is sorry for it.
Ben do not know how to control his feelings and actions and ben is sorry for it.
Ben can't be that good friend and be there by your side and ben is sorry for it.
Ben does stupid things and ben is sorry for it.
Ben can't do what you want him to and ben is sorry for it.
Ben wans to be perfect.





I wish things will turn out for the better. *prays to the Shooting star*